Sh*t My Deaf Husband Says

My husband refuses to get a hearing aid. Not yet, he says. It's not that bad. OK then, I told him. Game on. I'm going to write down and publish all the nonsensical things you say, simply because you can't hear, starting with this morning's gem:

Me:  You didn't snore last night.
Hubs: That was good chili.

(Apologies for the politically incorrect 'deaf'. But, "Sh*T My Hard-of-Hearing Husband Says" just doesn't have the same ring to it.)

The Nielsens called!

Finally! Bud and Peggy Nielsen (that's what I like to call them) invited me to be part of their American TV viewing family. My TV viewing diaries - all four of them - came in the mail and today is the day my TV addiction starts to count for something! (For the record, my spouse wants nothing to do with this experiment.) Oh, I can't wait to record every minute of boob tube viewing: From 40 minutes of GMA in the morning (muted and close-captioned so I can listen to my iPod while limp-jogging on the treadmill) to my wildly eclectic Sunday night routine - Modern Family recorded from Wednesday, Downtown Abbey and Shameless, not necessarily in that order. Throw in "The Chew" at noon, "House Hunters International" whenever I can get it, and assorted college basketball games and the Nielsens are going to put me solidly in the "Multiple Personality - Female over 50" category.

Love those happy cows

With the Super Bowl still a week or so away, this is my favorite current ad campaign. Love...

Not being Anne Hathaway

Oh, Anne. Just look at that expression on your face. You know nobody else on the planet can look like you, no matter how talented their hair stylist. Oh, but I tried. I loaded five photos of you on my iPad and took them to the salon this morning. My stylist - the best I've ever had - did exactly what I told her, giving me my shortest cut since the infamous Twiggy 'do of 1968. What I failed to request was your impossibly big doe eyes, your Audrey-like neck and, oh yeah, a birth year of 1982. (Jeez, Anne, you're younger than my son!) But, I"m not bitter. Especially if I can wash and dry that baby in under 3 minutes tomorrow morning.  Thanks for the inspiration, Anne. And I swear I'll get to "Les Miz" before Oscar night. Mwah.

Happy MLK Day

An abundance of quotes to choose from today, as I enjoy a day off watching the inauguration.  This one rose to the top.

Two for tea

My tea drawer holds all kinds of interesting combination possibilities.

I've been busy trying to stay healthy in the midst of a winter germ epidemic, which means exercising, eating right, running my vaporizer 24/7, incessant hand-washing, and drinking lots of green and herbal tea. This morning, on a whim, I decided to combine Lemon Zinger and Blueberry Slim Life - wait for it - in the same cup!! I let them steep for only a minute so I could use them both again and - omigod! - why didn't I think of this before?!  Next up - Peach Detox and Magic Mint.

My life.  It's a thrill a minute, I tell you.

It's not about looking better naked anymore

Click on chart to make it bigger.

OK, maybe it is, a little. But, at our age, it's more about mortality and postponing that bitch as long as we possibly can. (Sorry, I'm feeling feisty after a long workout this morning.)

For the 7-year-old in all of us...

Vandals in Portland are altering STOP signs in a way that makes me giggle like a second grader. I've always been a little weenie, in that way.  Happy weekend, kids!

Puddle break

God, this is adorable....

Best DUI stop ever

From the sublime (see previous post) to the ridiculous (and damn hilarious):

The curative powers of music

This incredible video reminded me of when my grandmother first became ill with Alzheimer's and would break into spontaneous renditions of "Some One of These Days" whenever she'd lose track of a conversation. (And they wonder how I became such a ham.) Imagine what her last few years might have been like if she'd had an iPad containing all of her favorite songs in her ears on a regular basis.

Another day, another soup.

Tuesday lunch: Leftover salmon on arugula, shredded Brussel sprouts and a cup of delicious roasted cauliflower-red pepper soup from last night topped with fresh basil from my window sill.

The winter blues will not win this year, friends.

Souper Sunday!

Wanna try the best tomato soup ever?!  Try this recipe and listen to your taste buds moan with pleasure. (The secret is the orange juice.) This is the first of many soups I intend to make this month, to be accompanied NOT by a grilled cheese sandwich, but by this little cheese and sausage board....

with my current favorite mustard: Little Thief's "Tequila Jalapeno Kiss." Fantastic!

DA3: Tonight!!

Could I be any more excited? I think not.

Return to Sayulita: 8 weeks and counting

The decision has been made to revisit Sayulita, Mexico - our favorite place on earth for pure relaxation - to celebrate the hub's 59th-and-holding birthday in early March. ARRIBA! Sayulita is a beautiful little fishing village-slash-surfing mecca with just enough - but not too many - American baby boomers ambling around to make us feel right at home.

If memory serves, we were last there in '05 with the kids. We'd felt like we'd "done" Puerto Vallarta, after a couple of visits, and found the perfect combination of culture and chill about 30 minutes to the north on the "Riviera Nayarit." (No 5-star all-inclusive resorts in this neck of the woods...not that there's anything wrong with that.)  I just hope it hasn't become too popular.

Last time, we rented a villa which was somewhat removed from town. This time, we want to be in the action, such as it is, so we've chosen the Petit Hotel d'Hafa just off the plaza because of its charm, central location, affordable rates (the non-stop plane tickets were relatively cheap, too) and the fact that the French hoteliers serve their guests free tequila on the rooftop terrazzo every night.

Surfing instructors abound and I might be tempted to act out my Gidget fantasy before I'm too old to boogie board.

On the other hand, there is something to be said for surfing as a spectator sport. This is going to make the winter a lot easier to bear.

SkinMedica: Bringing out the big guns

I couldn't help noticing that my little sister's skin looked fabulous at Christmas, a lot more fabulous than mine even though she is, for the record, six years younger. "What are you using?" I asked. "Retin A. Generic," she replied, as if to say, "Like, duh!" OK, so I might be a decade or two behind the curve, but not anymore. Instead of straight Retin-A, my dermo recommended this less irritating product which, conveniently, he sells in his office (no prescription needed) at $57 a pop.  BUT, that's for a 3-month supply, which isn't bad...or, does the price threshold go down the older we get? (Hmm.) So, I'll give it a pump, once a night for three months and see what happens. I guess this means a 'before' shot is in order.

Go in, community.

Stolen from an old newspaper friend's Facebook post:

Now is the accepted time to make your regular annual good resolutions. Next week you can begin paving hell with them as usual. Yesterday, everybody smoked his last cigar, took his last drink, and swore his last oath. To-day, we are a pious and exemplary community. Thirty days from now, we shall have cast our reformation to the winds and gone to cutting our ancient short comings considerably shorter than ever. We shall also reflect pleasantly upon how we did the same old thing last year about this time. However, go in, community. New Year's is a harmless annual institution, of no particular use to anybody save as a scapegoat for promiscuous drunks, and friendly calls, and humbug resolutions, and we wish you to enjoy it with a looseness suited to the greatness of the occasion. 

... Mark Twain, 1863, Virginia City Territorial Enterprise