Betty Crocker got nothin' on me

Today, I did something I haven't done in years: I baked cookies. They were for the opening of the new community theatre; a promise I made months ago in a late night haze when called in bed by a theatre volunteer. Four dozen cookies. How hard could it be? Except that I haven't had any flour or sugar in the house for several months and I wasn't keen on reintroducing those ingredients non grata to my pantry. So, I bought a high dollar gluten- and wheat-free mix from the health food store. Two of them, no less.

I woke up and savored my coffee and iPad on the porch, not at all concerned that I had an hour-and-a-half to bake and transport said cookies to the theatre. How long could it take?  I preheated the oven and read the directions, realizing only then that each batch required a stick of butter - softened.  Grabbing two sticks from the fridge, I willed them to get soft. Ten minutes passed. Fifteen... twenty. It wasn't happening. I'd tried the microwave shortcut before resulting in total meltdown. I couldn't risk that happening again. Time was fleeing. Finally, I found a solution...

I sliced the sticks into slices and hit them with my trusty blow dryer. (Not too close.)  Working with a focused intensity not seen since 2003, I cranked out four dozen chocolate cookies, sprinkling them with cinnamon to give them that made-from-scratch look ....

and delivered them to the theatre in the nick of time. Naturally, I rewarded myself with a sample. Later, I would learn that one little cookie contained 100 calories. Shoulda had a V-8.