Royal photo scandal in Kansas

Image cropped in accordance with Benjamin Moore decency standards

Surfacing this morning are illicit photographs of the Duchess of Benjamin Moore painting in her underwear over the weekend. Spokespeople for the Duchess say Her Fabulousness prefers to paint in her knickers, explaining that the shedding of nonessential garments allows for a certain nimbleness in execution and simplicity in clean-up. Information was not immediately available as to how the photographs, taken at shockingly close range, were obtained, although officials strongly suspect it was an inside job.